All the Perfect Moms Are Rich

Money can't buy happiness, right?

I spent a year planning this summer’s trip to Disney World. I had never been to the most magical place on Earth, and neither had my husband. However, thanks to a generous family member, we were able to save money on our accommodations, making it possible for us to take the trip.

Since I had never been before, I didn’t know what to expect when I started researching and planning. I quickly found out that if I wanted to do a good job planning this trip I was going to have to learn another language. Between phrases like lightning lanes and rope dropping and multi-pass, it didn’t take long for me to feel completely out of my element. But that was okay, because we are taking our kids to Disney World! It will be great! I don’t need to actually do anything else! Just going is enough! Right? Right?

Depending on who you talk to, no, it’s not. You need to pay extra to skip the lines, and you need to get your daughter an appointment for a princess makeover at Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. That will run you $200+. Don’t forget to schedule an appointment for your son to build a light saber and a droid at the Droid Depot. That will be another $500, please. And unless you want your kids to hate you, it’s best that you get a reservation for a $200 character dining experience so they can meet their favorite Disney friends. If you don’t do these things, well, you might as well just stay home.

This isn’t true, of course. You can have a magical time at Disney without doing these things, but that nagging might still sit at the bottom of your stomach telling you, if you could just do a little more, spend a little more money, it would be better, wouldn’t it?

It was a familiar feeling— to be doing something for our kids and trying to make it as special or as fun as possible, and still be aware of every way that it might not be enough. It doesn’t take planning a day at Disney for this feeling to creep in. It happens all the time. You plan an outing for the nice park in town, and it’s all going well until you’re driving home and the kids want to stop for food and you have to say, “No, we have food at home.” Or you take your kids to the movies to see the one they really want to see, but feel like you’re breaking their spirit when you need to say no to concession stand candy and popcorn. Aren’t all the best moms buying their kids movie theater popcorn? Are all the best moms rich?

I recently learned through a physical therapist on Instagram that the shoes I’ve been buying my kids since they could walk are bad for foot development. She linked some other options that won’t ruin your child’s feet, and the lowest cost one was $75. During the same scroll session, I came across links for the best activities and products to enhance my child’s learning during summer, a toothbrush that helps your kids remember how long to brush, an online course on how to talk to your kids about the birds and the bees, and an alternative to a popular kids snack that won’t rot their brain with red dye 40 but will cost you $20 for a box of 4. If I bought everything that was marketed to me to help me be a good mom, I would end up in a debtors prison. We have not even gotten to the topic of paying for better schools or sports or private lessons for whatever it is that your kids are into.

Most of us know, deep down, that being rich or having a lot of money does not automatically equate to being great, or even good parents. It doesn’t even equate to having happy kids. But, also, doesn’t it? Because it’s not just things kids want, it’s things you are told they need. Things you are told they will suffer without. It is also, quite simply, things that would make your life easier.

I think we’re doing everyone, including parents, a disservice by pretending that money doesn’t make parenting and raising kids easier. All this is doing is perpetuating a world where we don’t have to confront the fact that too many people are living without things they actually need. We can talk all day long about how money doesn’t buy happiness, but to that I say—skill issue.

Money may not buy literal happiness, but it buys a lot of things that help you create it. Financial security is associated with lower stress about housing, food costs, medical bills, and childcare. Money buys resources. Money buys childcare, it buys food, it buys housing and a house cleaner twice a month. It buys toys and tickets to the waterpark. It buys the good shoes and the good books and it buys you the time and energy to read those books to your kids at the end of a long day. Money, in many instances, buys peace. Money, in many instances, buys margin. And I don’t know a parent among us who wouldn’t be a better parent with a little more margin and a little less stress on their plate.

Research shows that the things kids benefit most from are things like warmth and responsiveness, consistent care, feeling safe and loved, being supported emotionally, and healthy boundaries and communication with their parents or guardians. Those things do not require wealth. Yet, wealth often makes those things easier to provide for your kids.

There will always be two sides to the story—grass is always greener and all that. People who do have wealth most certainly face stressors that the rest of us don’t. Parents with high-earning jobs often are unable to spend as much quality time with the kids they are providing for. They often have commitments that keep them tied up with work obligations instead of home with their families. Still, this is a different stressor than the kind where you’re worried about paying your rent or buying your kids shoes that fit because they outgrew their last pair.

My husband and I are very fortunate to be able to do things for our kids that we didn’t get to do as kids, like going to Disney World. I wish this for every parent who desires it. More than a trip to a theme park though, I wish that every parent had a break from worrying and a break from stress. I wish for them a day of a few hours of childcare so that they can relax and come back to their kids ready to provide them with connection, presence, and support.

You can be an excellent mom with whatever you have. You can give your kids a magical childhood with very little. But it isn’t materialistic to say that money makes things easier, and it isn’t incorrect to say you might be a better mom if you had more of it.

But, me? I say there is no better mom than the one fighting every day to do a lot with a little in a world where you are constantly told it’s not enough.

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