Anti-Anxiety Meds Make Me a Better Parent
My brain never seemed to slow down.
A few years ago I made a terrible mistake. After a particularly frustrating day with my toddler, I posted in a Facebook moms group for my city, a group where moms often came for advice about parenting challenges, “What tips do you have for not yelling at your kids? I feel so awful when I yell at my toddler.” I assumed others would commiserate, maybe share some calming strategies, or funny anecdotes. But instead, I got the dreaded, condescending “care” response. The replies were even worse. “We don’t yell in our house, so I can’t help you.” “I’ve never yelled at my kids. I don’t believe in yelling.” “We make it a point to not raise our voices with our kids.”
Did they really not yell at their kids or were they just being sanctimonious? It’s not like I planned to lose it at my kid. It’s just that sometimes I got so frustrated, so panicked that there was nothing I could do to stop whatever behavior he was doing and I lost control. I always regretted it immediately. I hugged him and apologized, just like all the parenting Instagrams told me I should, but the next time that feeling came around, I couldn’t stop myself from losing control and yelling again.
At this point, when I posted the question to Facebook, I was the parent of a two-year-old. I’d been parenting full-time, with a true May 2020 pandemic baby, while my husband worked full-time at a law firm during the day and attended law school full-time at night.