I would also add: hire teens to help at kids’ birthday parties! We hired two 13 year olds for our 5yo’s bday party and they were Amazing at herding the kids and leading games and facilitating crafts so that the adults could actually socialize! And the 13 year olds also had fun!
Can confirm that this is *amazing* for everyone involved. Being able to actually enjoy the company of the adults at the party, while also sharing the whole experience with kiddos, without the stress, was worth every penny! Or do we say worth every nickel now?
I have an older brother and younger sister. My brother de facto babysat for us for many years, but due to our close age range (each 2 yes apart from the next) he never had baby duty. When we were all in our teens, only my sister was approached for babysitting gigs, even though I think I would've welcomed the opportunity. At the time I didnt think to advocate for myself, but I loved playing with kids and I think I would've done a good job. As I got older, the chance of a gig became even less forthcoming, and I was encouraged to get real jobs. The end result is that I am approaching 30 and my wife and I may have kids within the next 5 or so years, and I have 0 experience with baby duties. What's worse, im at an age where showing any interest in taking care of another's baby would be viewed as suspicious as opposed to educational. When father's do help out, even in clumsy and insufficient ways, they receive inordinate amounts of praise. I think the praise is misplaced, and should instead be conferred as you said, on teens, male and female, who try their best and earn some pocket change. That is the proper place for that praise, and then we as a society could come to hold both parents equally accountable to their children, and not praise one and demonize another for sharing the load.
Thank you for writing this — I felt both seen and challenged in the best way. The piece is practical (rates, experience gaps, what families need) but also quietly philosophical about what kind of society we’re building when children become “other people’s problem.” I appreciated how you didn’t villainize teens. You made it clear the issue is structural: overscheduling, cultural messaging, and the way we treat caregiving like it’s beneath “real work.”
The line “Caregiving is learned” really stayed with me. It’s so simple but it dismantles a lot: the myth that mothers are naturally equipped, the idea that teens should avoid responsibility, and the subtle sexism that lets boys opt out of competency while girls are expected to magically know. That echoes strongly with me because I think many adult conflicts (in partnerships, workplaces, communities) come down to mismatched assumptions about what “should be obvious.”
One angle I’d love to add: babysitting isn’t just skill-building — it’s citizenship training. It’s one of the rare teenage jobs where the “product” isn’t output, it’s trust. Babysitting teaches a teen that their presence changes someone else’s nervous system — that another human can relax because you are competent. That’s a profound social muscle. If we want a future culture with more empathy toward caregivers, we need more people to have early experiences of being responsible for someone vulnerable. Babysitting is one of the cleanest pathways to that. It’s almost like a civic apprenticeship in tenderness.
I definitely think my babysitting experience as a teen helped grease the wheels for being a mom. It just gave context to everything before all the responsibilities really fell on me. I had changed diapers, cleaned up vomit, made up silly games, given consequences, all before my own little perfect girl ever arrived. My husband, who grew up in a home daycare, was basically hazed by growing up constantly around babies and kids. Haha
My husband and I grew up in the early 1980’s where teen babysitters (male and female) were the norm in our neighborhood. We had many experiences both eye-opening and memorable, but overall it was a good experience. I would agree with you that giving teens more responsibility with young children is beneficial for both the children and the sitters.
Excellent framing of babysitting as actual skill-building rather than just a side gig. The connection between caregiving experince and later empathy for parents is something I hadn't consciously considered before but rings true. I've definitely noticed how people without much exposure to young kids often underestimate the complexity involved, and that gap creates alot of miscommunication in both workplaces and relationships.
I would also add: hire teens to help at kids’ birthday parties! We hired two 13 year olds for our 5yo’s bday party and they were Amazing at herding the kids and leading games and facilitating crafts so that the adults could actually socialize! And the 13 year olds also had fun!
Can confirm that this is *amazing* for everyone involved. Being able to actually enjoy the company of the adults at the party, while also sharing the whole experience with kiddos, without the stress, was worth every penny! Or do we say worth every nickel now?
I have an older brother and younger sister. My brother de facto babysat for us for many years, but due to our close age range (each 2 yes apart from the next) he never had baby duty. When we were all in our teens, only my sister was approached for babysitting gigs, even though I think I would've welcomed the opportunity. At the time I didnt think to advocate for myself, but I loved playing with kids and I think I would've done a good job. As I got older, the chance of a gig became even less forthcoming, and I was encouraged to get real jobs. The end result is that I am approaching 30 and my wife and I may have kids within the next 5 or so years, and I have 0 experience with baby duties. What's worse, im at an age where showing any interest in taking care of another's baby would be viewed as suspicious as opposed to educational. When father's do help out, even in clumsy and insufficient ways, they receive inordinate amounts of praise. I think the praise is misplaced, and should instead be conferred as you said, on teens, male and female, who try their best and earn some pocket change. That is the proper place for that praise, and then we as a society could come to hold both parents equally accountable to their children, and not praise one and demonize another for sharing the load.
"caring for children is a life skill versus a special interest"
LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK 👏👏👏
Thank you for writing this — I felt both seen and challenged in the best way. The piece is practical (rates, experience gaps, what families need) but also quietly philosophical about what kind of society we’re building when children become “other people’s problem.” I appreciated how you didn’t villainize teens. You made it clear the issue is structural: overscheduling, cultural messaging, and the way we treat caregiving like it’s beneath “real work.”
The line “Caregiving is learned” really stayed with me. It’s so simple but it dismantles a lot: the myth that mothers are naturally equipped, the idea that teens should avoid responsibility, and the subtle sexism that lets boys opt out of competency while girls are expected to magically know. That echoes strongly with me because I think many adult conflicts (in partnerships, workplaces, communities) come down to mismatched assumptions about what “should be obvious.”
One angle I’d love to add: babysitting isn’t just skill-building — it’s citizenship training. It’s one of the rare teenage jobs where the “product” isn’t output, it’s trust. Babysitting teaches a teen that their presence changes someone else’s nervous system — that another human can relax because you are competent. That’s a profound social muscle. If we want a future culture with more empathy toward caregivers, we need more people to have early experiences of being responsible for someone vulnerable. Babysitting is one of the cleanest pathways to that. It’s almost like a civic apprenticeship in tenderness.
Thank you for this comment and I love that perspective!
I definitely think my babysitting experience as a teen helped grease the wheels for being a mom. It just gave context to everything before all the responsibilities really fell on me. I had changed diapers, cleaned up vomit, made up silly games, given consequences, all before my own little perfect girl ever arrived. My husband, who grew up in a home daycare, was basically hazed by growing up constantly around babies and kids. Haha
My husband and I grew up in the early 1980’s where teen babysitters (male and female) were the norm in our neighborhood. We had many experiences both eye-opening and memorable, but overall it was a good experience. I would agree with you that giving teens more responsibility with young children is beneficial for both the children and the sitters.
Excellent framing of babysitting as actual skill-building rather than just a side gig. The connection between caregiving experince and later empathy for parents is something I hadn't consciously considered before but rings true. I've definitely noticed how people without much exposure to young kids often underestimate the complexity involved, and that gap creates alot of miscommunication in both workplaces and relationships.