2020 was such a trip. 😭 I was pregnant during the time you're describing and it was so surreal to not have any of the "typical" first baby experiences. I'm still sad that my husband couldn't come to any appointments, including the anatomy scan! I had to call him at work (essential worker, he couldn't WFH) yo tell him we were having a boy. By the time my son was born in October 2020 there were masks and tests, so he did meet our parents within the first week, but the hospital was still super locked down and we couldn't leave for any reason once we were admitted. No visitors, of course. I was terrified that my husband would test positive in those final few days and not be allowed in the delivery room with me. What a time to become a parent.
My son, my first baby, turns 5 in August. My memories of those first few months alone with him and my husband are like a callous now- no longer acutely painful or noticeable- but still there, something that I think we’ll carry with us forever.
As another pandemic baby mom (April 2020), I feel this! My 2020 was my second, luckily- I remember feeling so bad for all the first timers. And now it feels like the distant past. Life is so strange like that. Happy bday to your son and congratulations to you!
My five-year-old was born three weeks before the world shut down. The grief of isolation was real, and I still feel a little bit robbed of early community. Your story sounded very familiar—how strange to be connected in mutual isolation. We are doing well now, though.
Our daughter was born in October of 2020. Our first baby, we'd been on an adoption waiting list for six weeks, after 10+ years of infertility, when we got the call. She was born three days later. One of us could stay with her in the hospital (me, zero argument) as long as the designated visitor didn't leave the building. My husband couldn't see her in person until she was discharged three days later. It was wild and anxiety-inducing, but also I got three days in the hospital with just the two of us, and that was really special, too. Still the most surreal thing I've ever experienced.
My daughter turned 5 last month! We were living in NYC at the time, and, yes, I agree that it feels like a strange dream now. We live in Asheville, NC, now, and, as you said, less stories are shared about that time--that pivotal time in our lives. Thank you for sharing a bit of your experience; I related greatly to what you said. I also wrote about my experience a year ago and recently reworked the piece to fit my most recent Substack essay. You can find it here if you're curious: https://open.substack.com/pub/katrinadonhamwrites/p/why-i-almost-chose-not-to-have-kids?r=3cnvg1&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false.
Lovely article. You're totally right--it was such a different time. Our 6-year-old daughter's 1st birthday party was on March 12, 2020. If it had been even just a week later, we would've cancelled. But that was the weird time when the world hadn't QUITE shut down. So we went on with the party. Nobody had masks yet (and some authorities were even out there saying masks made it worse), but we were all super paranoid about shaking hands and touching surfaces. In retrospect, we might've hosted an early super spreader event. Oops!
This hits close to home. I, somehow, forgot about all this loneliness... I had a 2020 baby (my daughter will be five in a few weeks) and wow, was it lonely. No mom groups or library classes or going anywhere at all. Just me and my husband and my baby. I remember pushing her in a stroller on our street and people crossing the street to avoid us since, you know, maybe we had covid. I didn't have a baby shower. I remember being afraid that my husband wouldn't be allowed into the delivery room since some provinces (I'm in Canada) had banned it. He was allowed thankfully and I somehow laboured in a mask. I remember showing off my baby standing at one end of the driveway and friends at the other end. No one else holding her. Nowhere to go. The intense loneliness. I really had forgotten for a bit there since now our lives are so normal. But I just have one child, and I do get jealous sometimes when I see people with new babies enjoying the world and people in a way I didn't get to.
The loneliness!!!! The experiences we will NEVER get to have, even if we had them with subsequent babies. It used to hurt so much and now it hurts less but yeah, it’s there.
Thank you so much for sharing and reminding me that many more had a similar experience. I am currently having a hard time seeing my friends having their first babies now, and how different (easier) their experiences are.
Mine was 17 months when everything shut down. All in-person parent/baby classes were cancelled/went virtual. Many kids in the 6-7 age range had speech/expressive delay (but it wasn't a REAL delay....just something caused by the pandemic) only because they didn't have peers to interact with. And mandatory masking when in-person programs restarted didn't help. My son went from single words to speaking in sentences when he started preschool (while masked) in 2021. He was just about to turn 3 at that time. In many ways, it was worse for kids born in 2018-2019 in terms of social development.
Question: Were you in a situation where your partner/another person wasn't allowed in the delivery room?
Our landlord sold our building in 2020 so for a few weeks we had prospective buyers coming by for a brief walk-through. Each time the toddler would start crying and we realized that having other people in the house was a foreign concept for him, not to mention the fact that they were all wearing masks!
Even harder was that our foster daughter could only have virtual visits with her sister who had been placed in a different foster home. That was tough on both of them and we were all really happy when they could see each other in person again.
By far the worst for us though was virtual kindergarten. Any time since then that I've had kids home for a remote day due to snow or whatever, I have really extreme emotional reactions. No idea how the teachers managed it!
February 2020 baby. I remember needing diapers and wipes but they limited the amount you could buy at the grocery store at the time we were going through soooo many for a newborn. Plus, they wouldn't let you buy them through store pick-up. There were a lot more trips to the store when we were full of anxiety about being out in public. We at least got one grandparent visit in before lockdown and another a couple months later during a dip in cases. It was so lonely. My brother and family couldn't even meet him until he was 18 months because of restrictions on travel to my home state. By that time, he had a younger cousin so he never got to be the baby cousin.
2020 was such a trip. 😭 I was pregnant during the time you're describing and it was so surreal to not have any of the "typical" first baby experiences. I'm still sad that my husband couldn't come to any appointments, including the anatomy scan! I had to call him at work (essential worker, he couldn't WFH) yo tell him we were having a boy. By the time my son was born in October 2020 there were masks and tests, so he did meet our parents within the first week, but the hospital was still super locked down and we couldn't leave for any reason once we were admitted. No visitors, of course. I was terrified that my husband would test positive in those final few days and not be allowed in the delivery room with me. What a time to become a parent.
My son, my first baby, turns 5 in August. My memories of those first few months alone with him and my husband are like a callous now- no longer acutely painful or noticeable- but still there, something that I think we’ll carry with us forever.
Masterpiece
As another pandemic baby mom (April 2020), I feel this! My 2020 was my second, luckily- I remember feeling so bad for all the first timers. And now it feels like the distant past. Life is so strange like that. Happy bday to your son and congratulations to you!
My five-year-old was born three weeks before the world shut down. The grief of isolation was real, and I still feel a little bit robbed of early community. Your story sounded very familiar—how strange to be connected in mutual isolation. We are doing well now, though.
My daughter turns five this week! This essay gave me all the feels! 💕
We were alone. We were lonely. It sucked. ❤️
Our daughter was born in October of 2020. Our first baby, we'd been on an adoption waiting list for six weeks, after 10+ years of infertility, when we got the call. She was born three days later. One of us could stay with her in the hospital (me, zero argument) as long as the designated visitor didn't leave the building. My husband couldn't see her in person until she was discharged three days later. It was wild and anxiety-inducing, but also I got three days in the hospital with just the two of us, and that was really special, too. Still the most surreal thing I've ever experienced.
My daughter turned 5 last month! We were living in NYC at the time, and, yes, I agree that it feels like a strange dream now. We live in Asheville, NC, now, and, as you said, less stories are shared about that time--that pivotal time in our lives. Thank you for sharing a bit of your experience; I related greatly to what you said. I also wrote about my experience a year ago and recently reworked the piece to fit my most recent Substack essay. You can find it here if you're curious: https://open.substack.com/pub/katrinadonhamwrites/p/why-i-almost-chose-not-to-have-kids?r=3cnvg1&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false.
Lovely article. You're totally right--it was such a different time. Our 6-year-old daughter's 1st birthday party was on March 12, 2020. If it had been even just a week later, we would've cancelled. But that was the weird time when the world hadn't QUITE shut down. So we went on with the party. Nobody had masks yet (and some authorities were even out there saying masks made it worse), but we were all super paranoid about shaking hands and touching surfaces. In retrospect, we might've hosted an early super spreader event. Oops!
This hits close to home. I, somehow, forgot about all this loneliness... I had a 2020 baby (my daughter will be five in a few weeks) and wow, was it lonely. No mom groups or library classes or going anywhere at all. Just me and my husband and my baby. I remember pushing her in a stroller on our street and people crossing the street to avoid us since, you know, maybe we had covid. I didn't have a baby shower. I remember being afraid that my husband wouldn't be allowed into the delivery room since some provinces (I'm in Canada) had banned it. He was allowed thankfully and I somehow laboured in a mask. I remember showing off my baby standing at one end of the driveway and friends at the other end. No one else holding her. Nowhere to go. The intense loneliness. I really had forgotten for a bit there since now our lives are so normal. But I just have one child, and I do get jealous sometimes when I see people with new babies enjoying the world and people in a way I didn't get to.
The loneliness!!!! The experiences we will NEVER get to have, even if we had them with subsequent babies. It used to hurt so much and now it hurts less but yeah, it’s there.
Thank you so much for sharing and reminding me that many more had a similar experience. I am currently having a hard time seeing my friends having their first babies now, and how different (easier) their experiences are.
Mine was 17 months when everything shut down. All in-person parent/baby classes were cancelled/went virtual. Many kids in the 6-7 age range had speech/expressive delay (but it wasn't a REAL delay....just something caused by the pandemic) only because they didn't have peers to interact with. And mandatory masking when in-person programs restarted didn't help. My son went from single words to speaking in sentences when he started preschool (while masked) in 2021. He was just about to turn 3 at that time. In many ways, it was worse for kids born in 2018-2019 in terms of social development.
Question: Were you in a situation where your partner/another person wasn't allowed in the delivery room?
Our landlord sold our building in 2020 so for a few weeks we had prospective buyers coming by for a brief walk-through. Each time the toddler would start crying and we realized that having other people in the house was a foreign concept for him, not to mention the fact that they were all wearing masks!
Even harder was that our foster daughter could only have virtual visits with her sister who had been placed in a different foster home. That was tough on both of them and we were all really happy when they could see each other in person again.
By far the worst for us though was virtual kindergarten. Any time since then that I've had kids home for a remote day due to snow or whatever, I have really extreme emotional reactions. No idea how the teachers managed it!
February 2020 baby. I remember needing diapers and wipes but they limited the amount you could buy at the grocery store at the time we were going through soooo many for a newborn. Plus, they wouldn't let you buy them through store pick-up. There were a lot more trips to the store when we were full of anxiety about being out in public. We at least got one grandparent visit in before lockdown and another a couple months later during a dip in cases. It was so lonely. My brother and family couldn't even meet him until he was 18 months because of restrictions on travel to my home state. By that time, he had a younger cousin so he never got to be the baby cousin.