This deserves to be said plainly, because people love repeating that money doesn’t matter while ignoring how much exhaustion, fear, and guilt come from not having enough of it. Money may not create love, but it can create breathing room, and breathing room changes the kind of parent you’re able to be on a hard day. I also appreciate that you didn’t turn this into a tidy lesson about gratitude. Parents can give their children beautiful lives with very little, and still be honest about how much easier it would be with more. Both things are true.
Thank you. This week I spent four hours at the park and splash pad with my son. He then said it was the worst day ever because I didn't have cash for the balloon animal person and I said no to buying treats from the ice cream truck. It's no wonder moms are targeted by MLMs.
It’s also defining every bit of childhood as maximizable, from toothbrushes to shoes. America will try and upsell you on any added convenience if you let it.
Yes to all of this. As a SAHM who is counting pennies and feeling guilty at times and stressed a ton, it’s just a different life than my double income friends. And yet simultaneously my gratitude for what I do have that helps me circumvent the rich influencer SAHM consumerism of it all. It’s a crazy economic moment but glad to have my memories and my little life.
So, I grew up in Florida and went to Disney on summer weekends. We’d stay at a sketchy Days Inn, bring sandwiches into the park to eat, get knockoff Disney merch from outlets… definitely no bonus experiences like Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique… and I loved it!! By the time I was a teen and an adult, and we finally got around to the nicer upgrades, like eating at the restaurants there or getting nicer hotels stays, I was able to appreciate it all the more.
I can’t dismiss the role money plays in alleviating those regular stressors, especially fighting against all that rampant consumerism framing “wants” as “needs.” There’s no shadow of a doubt it must be easier to parent with more money. But I’m very grateful to my parents for providing us with such amazing memories, plus-up experiences or not — regardless of what “it” is, kids do really feel the love behind the sacrifice.
I have family members that go to Disney EVERY SINGLE YEAR.
I’ve never been a Disney girl and I just can’t imagine spending the money for an experience that is so staged. I went to Universal 8 years ago, and sure I had a good time but the cost was crazy.
Depending on where you live, there may be other cheaper theme parks. I’m in the Northeast (US). There is Hershey Park a few hours away, another place in New Jersey called Storybook Land - designed specifically for younger kids, and a Six Flags I think also in New Jersey?
My partner was just recently watching a cost comparison video with the amount that Disney has increased their prices in the past 10-15 years and it’s so crazy. They have inflated their prices so drastically that many people can’t afford it, and with the quick passes or whatever they call it, the other people spending hundreds of dollars still are missing out. But they would rather cater to fewer people who are willing to spend more.
For the amount of cost, I would rather travel with my kids to places where they can learn new things and interact with different people, take road trips, go to a new country, see national parks, etc.
Some of the bigger cities offer “City Passes” where you can visit their museums and tourist sites. I did that in Seattle years ago and was able to see the Space Needle, Aquarium (or Zoo), Glass Museum, and there are a few other places on there. It was several days of fun and I think only cost around $60 at the time.
Totally. That’s why I stated plainly here that we were able to do this because we were able to save money on accommodations! Without being able to use a timeshare it just would have been astronomical. And that’s a privilege we have access to that many don’t! Doesn’t do anyone any favors to pretend. There are lots of ways to make wonderful memories on all sorts of vacations and I can’t wait for those too! But I’m glad we got to do this at least once!
Incidentally, one of the funniest and weirdest stories of Cory's life is that his family took one real vacation ever - to Disney - and Cory 100% forgot. When they brought it up, he hardy harred because he thought they were all kidding.
So well stated. I think there’s a sweet balance somewhere between being stressed about not having enough money to meet basic needs, and being stressed by trying to constantly maintain a level of achievement. If you expect to do the biddipity boopity boo and the whole shebang, it’s gotta be so stressful when any bitty part of that starts to shatter. It would be a lot to keep up with! My kids are very familiar with hearing “not this time” in response to their “when are we gonna do/get/buy that?” every time we go to Seaworld. (Seaworld passes are like 1/10 the cost of Disney… and I literally just killed a mosquito on my hand in the middle of typing this - in my house - so that’s real Orlando for you hahah) But I think we have more fun than 90% of families just spending a morning on the playground! Thanks for this reminder to be content!
TOTALLY. I have even had this thought when we have gotten the snacks at the movie theater. What if we can’t always do this? It’s so real. Thank you for reading!
It’s such a struggle!! I also heard that wealthy families = low screen time. Which makes sense if your kid is signed up for lessons, sports, camps, etc., then yeah, their screen time is probably lower. But some of us are truly trying to do the best we can with the limited resources we have.
I grew up poor, but had a very cool upbringing because I grew up in a house full of people - cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and random relatives from the village who were going to college in our town.
Now we're a nuclear family, but any time we visit grandparents, my kid goes down to zero screentime other than the occasional screening of Frozen when the oldies want a nap.
Love this perspective and feel like I could write a whole article for a response.
For my wife and I, our mantra has been: Are we doing this for our kids or to impress other adults? Most of the time, the kids don’t care—it’s the adults who do.
I’ve noticed a healthy difference in our parenting dynamic since we’ve stepped off social media (Instagram, specifically).
We saw these picture perfect instagram photos from a friend at Disney World and it made us feel like our daughter was missing out on seeing Rapunzel and Belle (who she absolutely loves)
Then we learned they went $10k into debt, had a miserable time and their kids preferred being at the hotel swimming pool.
We can’t do those crazy big things and won’t go into debt to do it. Instead, we try to find unique ways to make each memorable moment as special as possible for them while also fostering an attitude of appreciation for what we have.
It's the winter break from school and college where we live, and it feels all our neighbours are off on holidays - meanwhile we are trudging through routines of work and study and childcare. I've tried to do some extra fun stuff on days off, but there's always the pinch - and trying to balance our one wild and precious life and the desire for fun and whimsy with the necessity of paying rent. Thanks for writing honestly about the struggle.
Sad to see barefoot shoes lumped in with talking toothbrushes and online edtechtrap. Barefoot shoes were the one splurge we got for our toddler. Even at 4, the difference is notable when climbing at the playground; other kids simply aren't able to bend their stuff shoes very much, so they change their climbing techniques. As for price...at $35 a pair, they're a bit expensive, but they also seemed to fit longer than other shoes, possibly because of their flexibility. $70 (for 2 sizes at $35 each) in a 12 month window isn't that much more expensive than $45 (for 3 sizes at $15 each) in the same time frame.
This is a fair point! $35 a pair is still a lot for a family struggling to make ends meet, though. It may be a good investment, but when you only have $10 and it's a choice between an ideal shoe for $35 and a serviceable thrifted shoe for $6...
Absolutely, and I'm not addressing people in that category. I was trying to make a distinction between "wealthy" (can easily afford all the extras at Disney, even if they cost thousands of dollars) and "middle class" (can spend $70 annually on shoes).
Yeah but here’s the thing, you can buy every single extra thing and everything they ask for and something little can still “ruin” the day. It’s not because you didn’t buy the thing they begged you for, it’s because they are exhausted and overwhelmed at the end of the day and have less and less ability to control breaking down. And that’s fine. Part of parenting is helping them learn to cope with disappointment and you can plan ahead to mitigate the overwhelm. Money doesn’t make you a better parent, sheltering your kid from disappointment by teaching them they’re entitled to everything is kind of bad parenting.
Kids, especially when they’re really little, have no concept of things being expensive or what’s supposed to be a bigger deal to them in the moment. For example, when I took my daughter to pick up the puppy we were getting for our family, she was crying the whole time because she couldn’t find a piece of string that was her “friend”. She was 3. It was fine. She loves our dog. When we went to Disney and stayed with my cousins, she wanted to leave and go back to their house the entire time because they had a pet rabbit.
This deserves to be said plainly, because people love repeating that money doesn’t matter while ignoring how much exhaustion, fear, and guilt come from not having enough of it. Money may not create love, but it can create breathing room, and breathing room changes the kind of parent you’re able to be on a hard day. I also appreciate that you didn’t turn this into a tidy lesson about gratitude. Parents can give their children beautiful lives with very little, and still be honest about how much easier it would be with more. Both things are true.
Thank you. This week I spent four hours at the park and splash pad with my son. He then said it was the worst day ever because I didn't have cash for the balloon animal person and I said no to buying treats from the ice cream truck. It's no wonder moms are targeted by MLMs.
It’s also defining every bit of childhood as maximizable, from toothbrushes to shoes. America will try and upsell you on any added convenience if you let it.
Yes to all of this. As a SAHM who is counting pennies and feeling guilty at times and stressed a ton, it’s just a different life than my double income friends. And yet simultaneously my gratitude for what I do have that helps me circumvent the rich influencer SAHM consumerism of it all. It’s a crazy economic moment but glad to have my memories and my little life.
So, I grew up in Florida and went to Disney on summer weekends. We’d stay at a sketchy Days Inn, bring sandwiches into the park to eat, get knockoff Disney merch from outlets… definitely no bonus experiences like Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique… and I loved it!! By the time I was a teen and an adult, and we finally got around to the nicer upgrades, like eating at the restaurants there or getting nicer hotels stays, I was able to appreciate it all the more.
I can’t dismiss the role money plays in alleviating those regular stressors, especially fighting against all that rampant consumerism framing “wants” as “needs.” There’s no shadow of a doubt it must be easier to parent with more money. But I’m very grateful to my parents for providing us with such amazing memories, plus-up experiences or not — regardless of what “it” is, kids do really feel the love behind the sacrifice.
Thank you for saying this. We’re doing our best.
I have family members that go to Disney EVERY SINGLE YEAR.
I’ve never been a Disney girl and I just can’t imagine spending the money for an experience that is so staged. I went to Universal 8 years ago, and sure I had a good time but the cost was crazy.
Depending on where you live, there may be other cheaper theme parks. I’m in the Northeast (US). There is Hershey Park a few hours away, another place in New Jersey called Storybook Land - designed specifically for younger kids, and a Six Flags I think also in New Jersey?
My partner was just recently watching a cost comparison video with the amount that Disney has increased their prices in the past 10-15 years and it’s so crazy. They have inflated their prices so drastically that many people can’t afford it, and with the quick passes or whatever they call it, the other people spending hundreds of dollars still are missing out. But they would rather cater to fewer people who are willing to spend more.
For the amount of cost, I would rather travel with my kids to places where they can learn new things and interact with different people, take road trips, go to a new country, see national parks, etc.
Some of the bigger cities offer “City Passes” where you can visit their museums and tourist sites. I did that in Seattle years ago and was able to see the Space Needle, Aquarium (or Zoo), Glass Museum, and there are a few other places on there. It was several days of fun and I think only cost around $60 at the time.
Totally. That’s why I stated plainly here that we were able to do this because we were able to save money on accommodations! Without being able to use a timeshare it just would have been astronomical. And that’s a privilege we have access to that many don’t! Doesn’t do anyone any favors to pretend. There are lots of ways to make wonderful memories on all sorts of vacations and I can’t wait for those too! But I’m glad we got to do this at least once!
Incidentally, one of the funniest and weirdest stories of Cory's life is that his family took one real vacation ever - to Disney - and Cory 100% forgot. When they brought it up, he hardy harred because he thought they were all kidding.
This was a stellar piece, Taylor.
So well stated. I think there’s a sweet balance somewhere between being stressed about not having enough money to meet basic needs, and being stressed by trying to constantly maintain a level of achievement. If you expect to do the biddipity boopity boo and the whole shebang, it’s gotta be so stressful when any bitty part of that starts to shatter. It would be a lot to keep up with! My kids are very familiar with hearing “not this time” in response to their “when are we gonna do/get/buy that?” every time we go to Seaworld. (Seaworld passes are like 1/10 the cost of Disney… and I literally just killed a mosquito on my hand in the middle of typing this - in my house - so that’s real Orlando for you hahah) But I think we have more fun than 90% of families just spending a morning on the playground! Thanks for this reminder to be content!
TOTALLY. I have even had this thought when we have gotten the snacks at the movie theater. What if we can’t always do this? It’s so real. Thank you for reading!
It’s such a struggle!! I also heard that wealthy families = low screen time. Which makes sense if your kid is signed up for lessons, sports, camps, etc., then yeah, their screen time is probably lower. But some of us are truly trying to do the best we can with the limited resources we have.
I grew up poor, but had a very cool upbringing because I grew up in a house full of people - cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and random relatives from the village who were going to college in our town.
Now we're a nuclear family, but any time we visit grandparents, my kid goes down to zero screentime other than the occasional screening of Frozen when the oldies want a nap.
I love that! My kids are the same way when they’re with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. We are grateful that so many live close by.
Love this perspective and feel like I could write a whole article for a response.
For my wife and I, our mantra has been: Are we doing this for our kids or to impress other adults? Most of the time, the kids don’t care—it’s the adults who do.
I’ve noticed a healthy difference in our parenting dynamic since we’ve stepped off social media (Instagram, specifically).
We saw these picture perfect instagram photos from a friend at Disney World and it made us feel like our daughter was missing out on seeing Rapunzel and Belle (who she absolutely loves)
Then we learned they went $10k into debt, had a miserable time and their kids preferred being at the hotel swimming pool.
We can’t do those crazy big things and won’t go into debt to do it. Instead, we try to find unique ways to make each memorable moment as special as possible for them while also fostering an attitude of appreciation for what we have.
It's the winter break from school and college where we live, and it feels all our neighbours are off on holidays - meanwhile we are trudging through routines of work and study and childcare. I've tried to do some extra fun stuff on days off, but there's always the pinch - and trying to balance our one wild and precious life and the desire for fun and whimsy with the necessity of paying rent. Thanks for writing honestly about the struggle.
Sad to see barefoot shoes lumped in with talking toothbrushes and online edtechtrap. Barefoot shoes were the one splurge we got for our toddler. Even at 4, the difference is notable when climbing at the playground; other kids simply aren't able to bend their stuff shoes very much, so they change their climbing techniques. As for price...at $35 a pair, they're a bit expensive, but they also seemed to fit longer than other shoes, possibly because of their flexibility. $70 (for 2 sizes at $35 each) in a 12 month window isn't that much more expensive than $45 (for 3 sizes at $15 each) in the same time frame.
No, I don't work for a shoe company 😜
This is a fair point! $35 a pair is still a lot for a family struggling to make ends meet, though. It may be a good investment, but when you only have $10 and it's a choice between an ideal shoe for $35 and a serviceable thrifted shoe for $6...
Absolutely, and I'm not addressing people in that category. I was trying to make a distinction between "wealthy" (can easily afford all the extras at Disney, even if they cost thousands of dollars) and "middle class" (can spend $70 annually on shoes).
Excellent!!!
Yeah but here’s the thing, you can buy every single extra thing and everything they ask for and something little can still “ruin” the day. It’s not because you didn’t buy the thing they begged you for, it’s because they are exhausted and overwhelmed at the end of the day and have less and less ability to control breaking down. And that’s fine. Part of parenting is helping them learn to cope with disappointment and you can plan ahead to mitigate the overwhelm. Money doesn’t make you a better parent, sheltering your kid from disappointment by teaching them they’re entitled to everything is kind of bad parenting.
Kids, especially when they’re really little, have no concept of things being expensive or what’s supposed to be a bigger deal to them in the moment. For example, when I took my daughter to pick up the puppy we were getting for our family, she was crying the whole time because she couldn’t find a piece of string that was her “friend”. She was 3. It was fine. She loves our dog. When we went to Disney and stayed with my cousins, she wanted to leave and go back to their house the entire time because they had a pet rabbit.
Amen!