Great points. I’m also a big believer in letting kids deal with conflict on their own. If some kid takes my daughter’s toy on the playground, it’s a chance to learn. There will be versions of this scenario playing out throughout her life and she’ll need to know how to deal with it on her own, without always expecting an authority figure to step in
Regular people are indeed too afraid to say something because they feel it’s too impolite or controlling or karen-y, and it’s a shame because we can all use a little help sometimes. But a loud minority of unhinged people aren’t afraid to say whatever shit comes to their mind to any child, and honestly I think that’s what people are irrationally afraid of becoming.
This is such a compelling and timely piece. Thank you for articulating it with so much clarity.
Anecdotally, I’ve noticed that the sheer range of values parents hold today, especially regarding what’s acceptable in public spaces, creates a kind of silent truce: better to say nothing than risk offense or confrontation. But of course, that silence comes at a cost. Like you, I believe community should play a role in helping children test and negotiate the boundaries of their immediate environment. This was something that used to be a given, but now feels almost radical.
There’s no doubt in my mind that we’re witnessing a generational shift in attitudes toward parenting, one where involvement from others is increasingly viewed as intrusion. And while I can understand the instinct to protect our children from judgment, I also wonder what we’re denying them in the process: the opportunity to build resilience, accountability, and a sense of connection to something larger than the nuclear family.
Your post reminded me of a lyric from Charlie Parr’s Over the Red Cedar:
That village that it takes to raise our kids, is afraid to come outside.
An accurate observation in my view. But maybe pieces like yours help coax that village back out, one thoughtful conversation at a time.
Your examples of passive aggressive parents reminds me of being a young child (1989) and having sand flung in *my* face. My mom told the kid to stop throwing sand and his mom was LIVID.
"Where's your kid? I'LL throw sand in their face!"
She also offered to fight my (very pregnant) mom, causing my mom's 5' bestie to declare she'd have to fight her first.
No punches were thrown, but we were all asked to leave the park.
I don't have kids, but I often hang out with my friends and their kids and I flinch every time one of them corrects a stranger's child. Though, so far no one has threatened to fight them over it.
It takes a village was always a good idea. Communication done with respect, reason and common sense benefits us all. ☺️
Great points. I’m also a big believer in letting kids deal with conflict on their own. If some kid takes my daughter’s toy on the playground, it’s a chance to learn. There will be versions of this scenario playing out throughout her life and she’ll need to know how to deal with it on her own, without always expecting an authority figure to step in
Regular people are indeed too afraid to say something because they feel it’s too impolite or controlling or karen-y, and it’s a shame because we can all use a little help sometimes. But a loud minority of unhinged people aren’t afraid to say whatever shit comes to their mind to any child, and honestly I think that’s what people are irrationally afraid of becoming.
This essay needed to be written!!!!!!!!! I found myself nodding along to the entire thing.
This is such a compelling and timely piece. Thank you for articulating it with so much clarity.
Anecdotally, I’ve noticed that the sheer range of values parents hold today, especially regarding what’s acceptable in public spaces, creates a kind of silent truce: better to say nothing than risk offense or confrontation. But of course, that silence comes at a cost. Like you, I believe community should play a role in helping children test and negotiate the boundaries of their immediate environment. This was something that used to be a given, but now feels almost radical.
There’s no doubt in my mind that we’re witnessing a generational shift in attitudes toward parenting, one where involvement from others is increasingly viewed as intrusion. And while I can understand the instinct to protect our children from judgment, I also wonder what we’re denying them in the process: the opportunity to build resilience, accountability, and a sense of connection to something larger than the nuclear family.
Your post reminded me of a lyric from Charlie Parr’s Over the Red Cedar:
That village that it takes to raise our kids, is afraid to come outside.
An accurate observation in my view. But maybe pieces like yours help coax that village back out, one thoughtful conversation at a time.
Thanks again
Your examples of passive aggressive parents reminds me of being a young child (1989) and having sand flung in *my* face. My mom told the kid to stop throwing sand and his mom was LIVID.
"Where's your kid? I'LL throw sand in their face!"
She also offered to fight my (very pregnant) mom, causing my mom's 5' bestie to declare she'd have to fight her first.
No punches were thrown, but we were all asked to leave the park.
I don't have kids, but I often hang out with my friends and their kids and I flinch every time one of them corrects a stranger's child. Though, so far no one has threatened to fight them over it.